Post 3 days of serious bingeing (like yesterday I ate 5 bowls of cereal for breakfast…lunch was almost a whole box of stove top stuffing with extra Earth Balance and salt sprinkled on top….a bag of Fritos….2 bags of Skittles…..too-salty homemade Chex mix….3 vegan chili dogs….a whole box of chocolate almond milk….a can of Coca Cola….yeah): I said I wasn’t going to weigh myself until it had all passed through my system, but I am going to see what the morning after looks like. When I’m in the middle of a binge, I don’t care about anything other than eating…maybe if I start to really brutally open myself up to the immediate after-effects of a binge, I will be able to nip it in the bud instead of dismissing it as “Well, you are in the middle of your cycle…and when you binge during the times of the month, it usually just evens itself out…so just eat.”
[goes to step on scale]
130.6—less than a week ago I was at 122.6. I know that the mega-inflation of that number is due to everything that’s still in my system/water weight/bloat/etc and it *will* even itself out in a few days, but….that was a number I literally never though I’d see again unless, like, I got pregnant or something, lol.
Anyway, IT STARTS TODAY. No more being on the wagon/feeling awesome/falling off and just going crazy bingeing. THIS IS WHERE I WILL KEEP MYSELF PUBLICLY ACCOUNTABLE while also maintaining a positive outlook. Things go in cycles—I learn more as I go on, every cycle of losing/gaining it all back on the way to my UGW—and I think that this time around, I know what feels good and what feels right and what I need to do to stay on track.
